Sue Read online

  Dr. Wan raised his eyebrows, but listened in silence.

  “And I hate her name,” Sue blurted, then realized how ridiculous that sounded. “I mean, she didn’t act like a doctor. Wanted me to use her first name. I just didn’t like that.”

  Patting her shoulder, Dr. Wan said, “Given the way you feel, I can see we need to look at other options.”

  “Yes. Thank you.” Sue wiped her eyes, calming down. She sat on one of the two chairs in the room and toyed with the tissue. “I don’t even know why it bothered me so much.”

  “No matter. We need to choose a therapist you’re comfortable with.” Scrutinizing her face, Dr. Wan asked, “Are you still having trouble sleeping?”

  “Yes.” Sue drew in a breath. “Quite a bit, actually.”

  “I could prescribe something...”

  “No,” Sue cut him off. “No drugs, please. Just...can you recommend someone else for me to talk to?”

  Dr. Wan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I’m leaning toward Matrice Camden, a personal friend of mine. Maybe she’s more what you’re looking for. She’s mature, calm, and exceptionally qualified. Very level-headed.”

  “That’s good. Mature is good.” Sue brightened.

  “If you’ll go back to the waiting area, I’ll see if my nurse can get an appointment scheduled for you.” He gave Sue a kind smile. “I’ll see you at your next follow-up appointment, okay?”

  “Okay. Thank you, Doctor. I’m sorry about bursting in on you like this.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Dr. Wan opened the door and gestured toward the waiting room.

  Sue found Melvin near the reception area, tossing her keys lightly from one hand to the other. A flash of annoyance crossed her features, but she said nothing. Before long the nurse came out and handed her a card with Dr. Camden’s address and an appointment date. She gave Sue a friendly pat on the arm before disappearing down the hall. Sue strode toward the door, Melvin following.

  On the way back to the car, Melvin handed Sue the keys. There was a slight tremble to her hands, but he didn’t comment on it.

  “I’ll be seeing a different doctor,” she advised him as she pulled from the parking lot. Her voice was calm as her senses returned to normal.

  “Oh, okay,” he replied and studiously avoided looking at her. Shyly, he continued, “Would you like to go get a drink or something?”

  Sue took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “No, I don’t think so. But thanks anyway. I just want to go home. I’m exhausted.”

  His tone was carefully nonchalant. “No problem. But, you know, I’m a good listener. If you ever need to talk.” He gave her a hopeful glance.

  Sue chewed her lip for a few seconds as if absorbed by her driving and then shot a quick look at Melvin. “I bet you think I’m pathetic, don’t you?”

  Melvin blinked. “I don’t think that at all.”

  “Well, what do you think?” She trembled inside, afraid to hear his answer, but sure he would admit he viewed her as soiled goods. Easy. Cheap. A sure thing. He knew her story, probably thought she’d put out. Like he has a chance in hell. “Well? I asked you a question, Ein...” She stopped herself from calling him Einstein, but Zeke’s snarky signature phrase had almost slipped out. The realization was like a cold slap in the face. She softened her tone. “Could you answer me?”

  “Yes, of course.” Melvin swallowed hard. “I honestly don’t know you well enough to form an opinion, but I guess what I think is that you’ve been through a lot and...”

  “And what?”

  “And maybe you could use a friend.”

  “Well, you’d be wrong; I don’t need one. So you can spare me your pity, Melvin.”

  “It’s not pity.” His voice was quiet. “But I understand what you’re saying. We’ll just keep everything strictly professional.” He sounded slightly winded as he adjusted his glasses. His hand crept into his pocket, stayed there a second or two, and came away empty. He took a couple of slow, measured breaths.

  Probably counting to ten to keep from losing his temper with me. Sue decided to ignore him and hoped he wouldn’t fill the air with useless words. She needed to reflect on her response to Candace Goldberg, her panicked trip to see Dr. Wan, her own jumbled thoughts.

  They reached Sue’s house and she turned into the driveway.

  “So when’s your appointment?” Melvin asked as he got out of the car.

  “Next week. Tuesday at two o’clock.” Sue slammed the door and limped slowly up the sidewalk to her front door.

  “I’ll see you then,” Melvin called.

  Without turning around, Sue gave a half-hearted wave. Once inside, she peered out the curtains at Melvin. He puffed on an inhaler a few times before unlocking his car. Sue turned away, a look of distaste on her face.

  Then her conscience nudged her. What’s wrong with me? I used to be a nice person. She vowed to make an effort to be less prickly around Melvin. After all, none of this was his fault. He was just doing his job. Or trying to. And she wasn’t making it pleasant for him. She didn’t even understand why.

  She went to the kitchen and fixed a cup of hot chocolate. In her bedroom, she pulled off her shoes and socks and massaged the healing wounds on her feet with oil. Grimacing, she continued until it was absorbed. Then she slid her feet into slippers and settling in front of her computer once more, she opened the internet and resumed her search for recent crimes, specific types of crimes, ones of particular interest to her.

  When she heard her dad get home and her mom rattling about, getting ready to leave for work, she joined them downstairs. They were curious about her appointment with the therapist. She gave a brief explanation about the change in doctors. The disappointment on their faces gave her a twinge.

  “It just didn’t work out with this one.” She rushed to assure them she wouldn’t give up. She’d be seeing a professional. A different one. The next week. “Everything is going to be fine.”

  With obvious relief, her dad smiled at her. He turned on the television and submerged himself in the local news. Her mother went to the kitchen to put the last touches on the meal Sue would later slip into the microwave. Sue retreated to her room to brood.

  Chapter 6

  The following week when Sue met with Dr. Camden, things went much better. The woman was plump and clear-eyed, her graying hair swept into a flattering style. She ushered Sue into a cozy office decorated in calming neutral colors. Sue felt less anxious here than she had in the other therapist’s office, but still not relaxed.

  “So, tell me a bit about yourself,” Dr. Camden said once they were seated. “What’s been going on?”

  “I’m sure you know my situation. Dr. Wan probably told you.” Sue looked down at her hands.

  “We conferred briefly.” Dr. Camden leaned back comfortably, as if they were two old friends ready to chat.

  “So you know I was a victim...” Sue let her voice trail off.

  The doctor tipped her head slightly, a thoughtful look on her face. Her voice was gentle when she spoke. “Well, let me say this. I wouldn’t refer to you as a victim; I’d say you’re a survivor. But we’ll talk more about that later. For this first appointment, I’d rather spend the time getting to know you. And I’ll tell you a little about me as well, like where I went to school, brag a little about my degrees.” She gave Sue a self-effacing grin. “We won’t get into the deep issues just yet. Today we’ll take it easy. How does that sound?”

  Relief washed over Sue and her heart rate slowed. “That sounds good to me.”

  The doctor’s focus was to obtain Sue’s history and identify her current problems with insomnia, depression, and hyper-vigilance. They then touched lightly on the goals of therapy.

  “I don’t want to be medicated; turned into a walking zombie,” Sue said, worried the doctor might somehow force drugs on her.

  Dr. Camden stated calmly, “Medication has its place, but I prefer it as a last resort and even then, in moderation. I feel our society in general
, and the medical community in particular, have been much too eager to throw drugs at a problem. Some of those treatments are so powerful and their side effects so comprehensive, it’s like using a sledgehammer to drive in a tack. The long-term consequences to the neural system are unclear, especially in young patients. I feel strongly about this subject, but I’ll step off my soapbox. Let me assure you, drug therapy is not an issue I take lightly.”

  They talked a while longer, but the doctor didn’t delve into embarrassing or painful memories as Sue had dreaded. At least not yet. They didn’t even discuss Zeke other than in passing. It felt like a much-needed reprieve. And she liked the sound of being a survivor rather than a victim.

  Before she knew it, the hour was over and she was back in the reception area scheduling her next appointment. Dr. Camden wanted to see her three times a week to begin with and Sue agreed. She actually managed to smile at Melvin when she met him in the waiting room.

  Later, she made another effort to talk to Joyce, but it came off flat. It seemed they were miles apart. Joyce kept pressing Sue for details about her time with Zeke. But Sue didn’t want to talk about the monster that had hurt her so she kept changing the subject.

  It was hard to understand. They used to spend hours on the phone talking about trivial things. Now there were long silences during the conversation and they soon hung up. Sue pushed the call out of her mind. It had been a fairly good day and she didn’t intend to ruin it worrying about Joyce.

  The next few appointments with Dr. Camden were stressful affairs, filled with tears and embarrassment as Sue recounted her time with Zeke.

  “He lured you into a relationship,” the doctor opined, “by bringing you along slowly.”

  “In the beginning, it was magical. It felt like love,” Sue whispered. “His touch was so perfect.”

  With a sigh, Dr. Camden delivered a hard truth. “I suspect the reason he was so good at lovemaking was because he’d had so much practice, Sue. Has that occurred to you?”

  Sue experienced a jolt of insight. “No. No, it hadn’t. I assumed it was because he had such deep feelings for me, because we loved each other so much.” She shook her head, absorbing the idea. A seed of anger was planted in her mind. “So, he’s probably had lots of women. I was nothing special to him.” She swallowed the urge to cry. “I guess he just played me.”

  “Then he began to isolate you.”

  “Isolate me? Oh no. Not at first.”

  “He did, though. Think about it, Sue. He drove a wedge between you and your friend, Joyce. He manipulated your childhood memories to make a false case against your parents, trying to turn you against them. And on pretty weak grounds, from what you’ve told me. He wanted to separate you emotionally from your support systems.”

  “That’s true. I never looked at it that way.” Sue frowned. “That was pretty devious. If he did it on purpose. At the time, it was more like he was being empathetic.”

  “I am certain he did it deliberately, Sue. He wanted you cut off from other people so he could exert more influence over you. Influence that escalated into domination and control.”

  “You’re right,” Sue admitted. “The longer we were together, the more he controlled what I did. His moods were so dark; I would go along with things I didn’t really want to do just to keep him from getting angry. Then by the end, of course, I had no choice. If I tried to run, I knew he’d kill me. Or kill someone else.”

  “Which he ultimately did anyway.”

  Tears ran down Sue’s cheeks as she nodded. “He killed Brenda, this woman we picked up in the parking lot of a bar. I still hear her screams in my head sometimes.”

  “You’re carrying a lot of guilt around.”

  “I am.” Sue wiped her cheeks and drew a shaky breath. “I don’t know how not to. The shame nearly chokes me sometimes.”

  “That’s one of the things we’re going to work on in the coming months.” Dr. Camden’s voice was calm and reassuring. “Remorse isn’t always negative. It is a motivator that can be directed to positive outcomes, used for the good, so to speak. We’ll explore some ways to deal with that as we go along. But, Sue, guilt for events beyond your control is not healthy. We’ll work together to sort things out and find resolution.” She shifted topics. “How about the legal side of things? What’s happening there?”

  “My attorney is really good.” Sue gazed out the window at the cloud-filled sky. “He kept me out of jail. In return for my full cooperation, there won’t be any charges filed against me. Not even for breaking into Doris’s house. It’s better than I deserve.”

  “Tell me about Doris.”

  “She was just this lonely overweight woman working in a dollar store. Zeke tricked her into giving him her home address. He kind of flirted with her and at the time I was angry and jealous. We broke into her house, ate her food, used her shower.” Sue blushed. “Had sex in her bed. And I stole money from her desk.”

  “I see. And this crime was your idea?”

  “No. It was all Zeke’s idea. Except for stealing the money. I did that. And now I regret it even though I think it may be returned to her once the police are done making their case.”

  “Do you believe that will absolve you?”

  “No. That was early into our little road trip and I wasn’t yet afraid for my life, so I can’t blame Zeke entirely. What I did was wrong. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg. What really bothers me is that there’s nothing I can do about any of it. I can’t go back in time and change what I’ve done.”

  “No, you can’t go back in time. But, you’re not helpless. There are things you can do, and we’ll get into that at a later time. For now, please continue telling me about your experience with Zeke.”

  In a haze of tears, Sue described the obscene sexual situations Zeke had engineered, his descent into lunacy, and the vicious assault that culminated in Sue’s rescue by Will Falstaff. She recounted the beating Zeke had given her, the stab wound, the cuts on her feet, the final rape, and how close she had come to dying. By the conclusion of the appointment, Sue was emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

  “We’re making good progress,” the doctor assured her as she put her notes into the file folder. “I guarantee if you stick with therapy, you’ll feel a lot better someday. And it won’t be all that long.”

  “Oh, I’m going to keep coming back. You’re helping me see things in a different light.” Sue surprised herself. She hadn’t thought she’d be able to open up to anyone about the things that happened with Zeke.

  “Good. I’ll see you on Thursday.”

  Melvin slipped a small notebook in which he’d been doodling into his coat pocket, rose from his seat in the waiting room, and removed his ear buds when Sue appeared. Her reddened eyes met his and a look of sympathy crossed his face. He reached out as if to pat her shoulder, but withdrew his hand without touching her.

  She was silent on the drive back to her house, but did thank him before he walked to his car to leave. He seemed to appreciate the gesture and was probably relieved she hadn’t snapped at him again.

  That night in bed, Sue twisted and turned, her sleep disturbed by dreams.

  “Bunny,” a familiar voice murmured.

  She sat straight up in her bed, eyes wild, and searched the shadows of her room for the intruder. It had been Zeke’s voice and she wasn’t sure she’d dreamed it. Her heart pounded as she reached for the bedside lamp. As light chased the darkness away, she flung the covers from her body. No one was there.

  Hating herself for her fear, she looked under the bed, in her closet, checked the windows, and peered up and down the hallway. Satisfied she was safe, Sue returned to her bed. Clasping her hands, she tried to calm her breathing and played the sound over in her mind. Part of her still longed for his touch. Another part of her was repulsed by the very thought. Crying softly, she lay back down and waited for sleep to return.

  Chapter 7

  “Where are we going today?” Melvin asked brightly.
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br />   “Shopping,” Sue answered shortly. She’d agreed Melvin could drive this time. She pulled the car door shut and looked around. “Nice car.”

  Melvin gave her a dubious look. “Thanks. It’s not much, but it gets me around.” He backed to the end of the driveway and asked, “So? Which direction?”

  “To the mall. I need to replace my cell phone.” Sue took a stick of gum from her purse and unwrapped it. “Plus I want to get some new clothes. Then I’m getting my hair done.”

  “What are you doing to your hair? I think it’s nice the way it is,” Melvin said shyly.

  “Well, gee, I guess I’d better just leave it alone then. I mean, if you like it. After all, that’s what’s really important. Do you want to help me pick out clothes too? Make sure I select outfits you approve of?”

  “What?” Melvin shot her a hurt look. “No. I don’t even know why you’d say something like that.”

  “Forget it.” She put the gum in her mouth and chewed so hard her jaw began to ache. “Just get me to the mall.”

  “Okay.”

  They didn’t speak again until they arrived and had made their way to the first stop, where Sue replaced her lost phone. She toyed briefly with the idea of getting a new number, but changed her mind. She kept the number Zeke knew. Just in case.

  Melvin tagged behind her through various clothing outlets and waited patiently while she had her hair returned to its natural color, trimmed, highlighted, and layered; erasing the jagged cut Zeke had given her. He didn’t compliment her on the new look, although his eyes widened in approval.

  When they returned to Sue’s house, Melvin helped her carry in her purchases and then stood awkwardly at the door. “When do you need me again?”

  “Let’s get one thing clear. I don’t need you at all.” Sue’s eyes flashed. “I’m just tolerating you to appease my folks. Don’t get a big head.”